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[Recent ACD-friendly dinner: Gena's Raw Cream of Zucchini Soup].
It’s now been approximately five months since I began this round of the ACD, and, over this time, I’ve slowly been coming to the realization that, well, it’s not likely to end any time soon.
As I may have mentioned before, the last time I pursued this regimen, it took two years to eradicate the yeastie beasties. Why so long, when for most people, six months is more than adequate? I’m just lucky, I guess. (Either that, or those childhood PB and chocolate milk breakfasts, teenaged May West and coffee-with-Coffee Mate breakfasts, 20s-era birthday cake and oatmeal cookie breakfasts, and 30s-decade Weight Watchers mousse and Diet Pepsi breakfasts really weren’t that healthy, after all. Seriously, I couldn’t have done worse had I walked into a pesticide factory and started downing beakers of random chemicals). When it comes to eating foods that nourish and strengthen my body, it seems I still hadn’t quite learned my lesson.
While I was able, eventually, to reintroduce gluten and sweeteners to my diet last time (and my naturopath assues me that will happen again, even this time), I fear that eventually, as with any addict reintroduced to a source of the addiction, I began to abuse the privilege. When I last went off the diet, rather than enjoy an abundance of fresh-fruit based desserts or an occasional (ie, less often than 5 times a day) sweet indulgence, I went the whole tofu and chowed down on a daily injection of chocolate, chocolate, and chocolate (in fact, I even considered changing the name of this blog to reflect that fact). And while I still dearly love desserts, even healthy ones (heck, I just wrote a whole cookbook devoted to them!), like any addict, I really have no self control when it comes to my trigger foods.
[What I should have eaten more often: fresh and fruity sorbet. . . and even easy to make!]
I mean, have you ever heard of an alcoholic who can stop at just one drink? I think Denis Leary’s character, Tommy Gavin, a firefighter who can’t seem to avoid getting sauced, is a prime example of the principle:
Week One: “I’m handling it. It’s just one drink.”
Week Two: “I’m handling it. I’m only having one a night.”
Week Three: “I’m handling it. I only drink when I feel like it, but so what if that’s all day? I can stop any time.”
Week Four: “Muh habble it. Dwnn tuh meh naw drkkeng drurving!” (Please do not adjust your set. Comprehensible dialogue will return once he sleeps off the inevitable hangover).
And so, dear readers, I’ve finally decided to just accept my own shorcomings as well as my current situation (after all, self acceptance is the first part of healing, right?). I’m determined to embrace the ACD, limitations and all. If I have to stay on it for a year, so be it. If I have to stay on it for life, well–I won’t be happy, but I can live with it (and I wasn’t living too well without it, come to think of it). It’s not as if I’m malnourished, or even that I dislike the foods I’m consuming; and I’d never share a recipe on the blog that I didn’t think was appealing to anyone’s taste buds, special diet or not. It’s just that I miss baking. I really, really miss baking. And I miss eating what I bake.
Still, given the choice, I’d rather continue to see my health improve (about 85% there at the moment) and continue to see my weight decrease, than eat chocolate every day. Besides, I’m learning to think of the ACD as just another culinary challenge: it’s time to begin creating delicious gluten-free, maybe even grain-free, stevia-sweetened desserts for a while. Let the kitchen games resume!
As I mused about the situation, I was reminded of two experts whom I admire and respect, albeit from two completely divergent fields.
The first is Geneen Roth, acclaimed author of When Food is Love and a regular columnist in Good Housekeeping magazine. When the HH and I relaxed up north this past weekend, I brought a slew of magazines to peruse by the pool, and came across Roth’s latest column, entitled, “Reality Bites.” She wrote about how she’d recently been diagnosed with allergies to both milk and chocolate–two of her very favorite foods.
At first, Roth rebelled against the diagnosis, thinking, “I refuse to give up the foods I love.” Eventually, she came round to the reality of the situation, stating, “It’s hard enough to have. . . allergies. But when you can’t stop thinking about how much you hate the fact that you have to spend your time doing what you need to do, you double the difficulty.” Well, I reasoned, I have quite enough difficulties in all the other areas of my life at the moment, thank you very much; I’d hate to convert eating into yet anohter hardship as well.
The second expert I thought about was Jon Kabat Zinn, who penned Wherever You Go, There You Are and Full Catastrophe Living. To Zinn, a champion of, and pioneer in, stress reduction and mindfulness meditation, living in the moment and appreciating the here and now is paramount to a happy life. Again, I couldn’t help but think, “Look at all the other wonderful things in my life right now–a secure job in these crazy economic times; a (rather appealing) roof over my head; a loving HH; long-term, close friendships; and two of the most adorable canine kids I’ve ever encountered (okay, I may be a tad biased on the canine thing).
["What do you mean, 'a tad biased,' Mum? We're crushed."]
The point is, I decided it’s time to focus on the positives in my life rather than the deficiencies. I may even resume the practise of keeping a gratitude journal (in which you enumerate at least 5 good things that occurred each day, every day. Over time, believe it or not, your mood is elevated just by focusing on such things.). It’s much more productive, and healthy, to maintain a focus on what’s good in life instead of the list of foods I have to give up for a while.
Roth said it beautifully when she wrote, “Giving up certain foods doesn’t mean giving up what you want to feel when you eat them. Staying away from sweets doesn’t mean that you need to deprive yourself of sweetness or comfort or joy.”
And so, I will continue to forge ahead with the blog in this new direction and hope all of you who’ve been reading for a while will stick with me, even though my recipes will be geared toward more gluten-free and low sweetener recipes for a time. And to all the new readers who’ve found my blog by searching for anti-candida recipes or allergen free foods, welcome! The gluten and natural sweeteners will return eventually.
But for now, I hope you’ll all join me on this often challenging, necessarily innovative, and naturally sweetened healing path.
“Mum, don’t worry about not eating sweeteners–we do it all the time, and our food still tastes great! Then again, we eat poo.”
[Simple dal with basmati rice on dandelion greens. . . definitely ACD friendly!]
I have a recipe in the works for later today, but after my last muffin post and all the questions I received about my anti-candida diet, I thought I’d post a quick update. First, thank you all for your ongoing support and encouragement–it would be a lot harder to stay on a restricted diet like this without the support of fellow bloggers and readers. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again–the blogging world is, truly, magical.
About the diet, many of you asked: will I have to be off fruits (or sweets, or sweeteners, or flour) forever? Will this *&%$@!!^ ACD diet ever end? Will I ever be able to eat my own baked goods again? And isn’t the HH just so darned lucky to have me bake for him when I can’t even partake?
The short answers are no, yes, yes, and ABSOLUTELY YES.
The (not entirely) Bad News: As I’ve posted previously, I have once before been on this diet, about ten years ago. At that time, I stayed on this first phase of the diet about 2 months. Given that I started the ACD this time on March 7, I’ve been on Phase I a lot longer than I would like. But there is change on the horizon! After visiting my naturopath last week, I was given a slightly altered regimen. He also did a live blood cell analysis that can determine the levels of candida and any other critters in my system, which can speed up diagnosis and treatment. I’ll be finding out the results at an appointment later this week.
Once Phase I is over, I will begin to reintroduce all the foods I’ve now cut from my diet, unless tests indicate that I’m allergic to any of them. Since I’ve never had proper allergy testing, I am about to undergo those as well. As a holistic nutritionist, I find my “case study” immensely interesting. As the unique individual who must undergo the tests and follow the diet, however, I find it to be a collosal drag.
Ah, such is life.
And now, the good news: Candida, it seems, has done for me what my own willpower never could: it has kept me on a healthy eating regime for three months (and counting). And, as a result of that, my weight loss tally has now reached 23 pounds (10.5 kilos)!
So, in a bizarre way, candida is the silver lining in my weight loss journey. With the exception of one or two nagging candida symptoms, I am feeling better than I have in ages. My back woes have disappeared. My achy knees are spry and springy. My sinus problems are about 70% improved. And–best of all!–I’ve discovered some favorite old clothes that I haven’t been able to wear in years (it’s been about six years since I last weighed this little).
For now, I’ll continue to cook and experiment with ACD-friendly foods, and post mostly about those, with the occasional baked good thrown in. (And if you’re yearning for some whole foods-based, naturally sweetened, delectable baked goods before then, there’s always the new cookbook!).
It’s become a bit of a challenge to delve into my culinary creativity and see what I can come up with that’s tasty, aesthetically pleasing, and still appealing to “regular” eaters. Surprisingly, I’m finding many recipes on other blogs or in my existing cookbooks that are ACD-friendly. More to come!
Oh, and if you’re interested in finding out more about candida and how to treat it, I’ve discovered a wonderful website by a woman who’s been there herself. The site contains a plethora of well researched, up to date information. Check out Yeast Infection Answers.
To those of you celebrating, hope you’re having a wonderful Memorial Day Weekend!
I know, that title sounds like something straight out of my Post-Modern Literary Criticism class (oooh, I shudder just re-thinking it!). But both bits of news cheered me so much that I wanted to share them in the same post!
The Wait is Over:
Just when I thought I could wait no longer, I received my prize, as one of the winners in Shellyfish’s great 100th Post (Felty Love) contest! Those of you who’ve read about this here will recall that I’m not the luckiest person when it comes to randomly selected contest winners (another way to say I could buy 50 tickets for the [1-in-3 chances to win] the Heart and Stroke Lottery, and still not win–then again, I suppose that means I’ll probably never be struck by lightning, either). So this prize was doubly delightful: not only was it a first-ever win for me, it was also awarded by one of my favorite bloggers, Shellyfish of Musings from the Fishbowl! I received my prize package in the mail on Friday. And what a package it was!
I ripped the parcel open and was immediately touched by the remarkable care and attention to detail taken in choosing the items, packaging them, and mailing them (all the way from France to Canada!).
Hey, have a look!
[Top row (left to right): Postcard of the Château de Fontainbleau; Felty Love pouch; hand-crafted card emblazoned with maple leaf and ladybugs. Bottom row (left to right): box that contained vegan chocolates, from Chocolaterie Bruyerre--from Belgium; dark truffle square; dark liqueur-infused (I think) round truffle; dark mocha truffle square.]
First, the main prize: a sleek, fuzzy and cozy, handcrafted azure felt change (or whatever else you choose to put in it) pouch. I loved the hand-embroidered leaf motif when I first saw it on Shelly’s blog, and it was even more impressive (and cute!) in person. But the finishing touches tickled me the most; to wit, the ribbon trim, the whimsical orange and white lining and–the pièce de résistance–the little custom “shellyfish” tag sewn into the seam! Now I will remember the source every time I use this sweet little change purse.
[Just look at that adorable tag!]
Shellyfish also sent along a box of vegan Belgian chocolates! (she really knows how to steal a gal’s heart). Now, I do love me some chocolate, and have even been known to munch on it daily for extended periods of time. . . .well, let me tell you, these were exquisite. Each one contained a velvety truffle filling coated with rich, smooth and glossy bittersweet chocolate. I knew I’d devour the whole set myself and so offered a bite of each to the HH, who noted that they were the best chocolates he’d ever eaten. And–miracle of miracles–they made it across the ocean intact! Not even a scratch. I’m planning a vacation to France at this very moment, just so I can sample some more of those babies.
In addition to the pouch and chocolate were a hand-made card with the cutest little ladybugs and maple leaf imprint (thanks for the nod to Canada, Shelly), as well as a postcard of the Chateau Fontainbleau, a lyrical castle in Shelly’s neighborhood, where she lives alongside snippets of history every day (lucky duck!).
All in all, it was a perfect way to end the week, or start the weekend, and flooded me with memories of my own long-ago stay in Bandol as a teenager. It also made me long for another visit now, as an adult!
Thanks so much, Shelly. I will treasure my pouch and the cards. . . and my memories of that insanely rich-tasting chocolate! 
The Weight is Under
And what about the “weight is under,” you wonder? (No poem intended, there, though I created one nonetheless–must be that literary influence again). Well, I haven’t written a blog entry related to the “Diet” portion of my blog’s title in quite some time. Partly, I’ve felt there was no sense in rehashing old news (I mean, how many times can one re-start a weight loss plan?). About three months ago, I gave up tracking my weight on a weekly basis, and decided that, given the achingly slow progress of my quest, I’d post an entry no more than once a month. Well, in the interim, something seems to have shifted.
What’s the best way to stop craving sweets all the time? Write a dessert cookbook, that’s how, and bake three or four test items perforce each day!
Have you ever walked into an ice cream parlor, or chocolate shop, or patisserie, and marvelled at how slim the counter folk were? Countless times in my life, I’ve asked the shop person, “How do you stop yourself from eating everything in sight?” I’d usually add, sheepishly, ”If I worked here, I’d weigh 300 pounds in no time.”
“No, no, you wouldn’t,” they’d inevitably respond. “If you work with it all day, you just get sick of it.” Well, sorry to say, when I ran my little bakery, I was surrounded by baked goods for 16 hours a day–for two years. My taste for sweets never waned during that time, and my weight began its ugly ascent during those years as well.
This time, however, something is different. I’m testing recipes in my home; I’m basically forced to eat at least a mouthful of each one (to ensure quality, you understand); and somewhere along the line, I became indifferent to the piles of bars, cookies, cakes, tarts and whatever else positions itself alluringly on the counter. Now, don’t get me wrong; I’ve retained a desire to taste everything, and I’ve definitely indulged. But for some unknown reason, the impetus to keep going even after the first two or three tastes (or two or three brownies, cookies, slices of cake, etc.) has more or less vanished.
Why has this miracle from heaven been bestowed upon me? I have no idea. How can I ensure that this state of affairs never changes? Again, I’m stumped. Will I manage to stay the course this time and keep losing weight? Beats me. All I know is, I am unspeakably grateful, I embrace this current reality, and I am ecstatic to be experiencing it. The greatest mystery of my life so far seems to be, “why have I been able to exercise “willpower” and lose weight at certain periods of my life, but not others?” And so far, like the secret location of Atlantis, like the methods of building the pyramids, like where Sasquatch is really hiding–like the reason for Julia Roberts’s popularity–the answer has eluded me (and all of civilized humanity).
If anyone out there has insight into this particular conundrum, please do let me know.
“Mum, it’s easy to exercise willpower when someone else feeds you. Just get an owner to dole out the food. Oh, and it helps if you learn to raise a paw when asked.”
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