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Some Personal Sharing: My Detox Experience on the ACD
Recently, a few readers have asked me to detail a bit more about my own experience on the ACD. While I’ve written quite extensively about the diet itself, how difficult it was to follow in the beginning, and where to find information, I haven’t written very much about my own physical symptoms, reactions to the diet, or treatments. Partly, it’s because I can’t imagine that anyone would be interested. Partly, it’s because I am actually a fairly private person, and I wasn’t all that comfortable sharing (I know, you’re thinking, But you tell us all about your arguments discussions with the HH! And you tell us about how you and your pal Sterlin were total nerds in high school! And you tell us about your resentment of Rocker Guy (he of the black leather pants)–what do you MEAN, you’re a “fairly private person”–ha, ha, don’t make me laugh!).
No, I haven’t forgotten the definition of “private”; it’s just that those events are all in the past, so I don’t feel particular bashfulness or emotional protectiveness of them any more. The ACD, on the other hand, is very much with me in the present, and that feels a little. . . revealing.
When I thought about it for half a minute, I realized that, back at the beginning of the process, I would have been elated to find a post about someone else’s experience, just so I’d know I wasn’t alone (and that you can come out of it, intact, at the other end). And what if someone out there is going through the same thing? So, if this post can help even a single person, I’ll feel it was worth revealing (and let’s face it, it’s not as if I’m entering a wet T shirt contest or anything here). 
[Source]
Part I: How to Detox–The Wrong Way
A while back on the Candida FAQ page, Megyn asked: “And are you taking any supplements? I was put on undecenoic acid. The first few days were okay, but then my intestines starting really hurting as well as some other “symptoms of die off”. . . . Is there a place where I can read more about your experiences with this?”
When I was first diagnosed and put on the diet (back in January, 1999), there were at least 20 years (okay, more like 30) of the worst possible eating habits behind me. Mine wasn’t simply a case of following the SAD (Standard American Diet), oh no; more like the S-SAD (Sub-Standard American Diet). Case in point: throughout my undergraduate years living in residence, my weekend menu alternated between birthday cake (which my roomie and I bought from the local supermarket each Friday and would eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner) and raw chocolate chip cookie dough mix (which we ate the rest of the time). I kid you not.
[At my all-time heaviest weight, Summer 2008. No wonder I'm not really smiling.]
I had decided to go to the Naturopathic College’s clinic to see an Intern there (since her fee was much lower than that of a practising naturopath). In retrospect, I realize that was probably the worst possible way to approach a detox for the first time. The overzealous, neophyte ND prescribed the strictest of diets along with the most potent herbal decoctions available, simultaneously neglecting to prepare me by either easing into dietary changes first or warning me in any way about ”die-off,” or a “detox reaction.”
I started detox on a Monday in February. The following evening I had dinner plans with a good friend. “No problem,” he said, when I suggested we eat at the only vegan restaurant I knew at the time, where I could order plain brown rice with steamed veggies. About halfway through the meal, I began to feel a bit queasy. “Hmm. . . probably not the veggies,” I mused. “I must be coming down with the flu.” Within 15 minutes, I was shaking, sweating, feeling downright dizzy and just about ready to vomit. “Um, I think I need to get home,” I apologized, and my friend ushered me to my car.
I’m still not sure how I drove home that evening, concentrating with all my might on the lines on the road,barely visible between the curtain of snow that had begun to fall. I was determined to just make it home without swerving into the shoulder. My head began to pound, I began to see flashing lights (and not from the oncoming cars) and my body trembled from my shoulders down to my fingertips (which were gripping so tightly to the steering wheel that it took a moment to unfurl them at home). Outside, the snow floated down in silent accumulation, and I was petrified I’d have an accident.
When I finally did get home, I so weak that the HH had to help me up the stairs; I have a vague recollection of him pulling off my boots and tucking me into bed, still fully clothed. The next thing I remember, it was morning. The HH brought me a glass of water and was reluctant to leave for work. By the time he returned, I was feeling better; the room had stopped spinning and the nausea was leaving.
Was it a strange, 48-hour flu? No. Was it something I ate? In a way, yes: I had experienced a severe–and unusual–detox reaction, also known as a healing crisis, also known as “die-off.” Because of the sudden, harsh change in my diet combined with powerful herbal remedies, I had begun to detox too quickly; with all the accumulated toxins in my body suddenly ducking for cover and high-tailing it out of there, my system wasn’t able to cope–and I felt sick. Really sick.
[What a difference 18 months makes: at my lowest post-ACD weight, February 2010--so much healthier!]
Part II: How to Detox–The Right Way
For most people, detox isn’t that dramatic. They may feel slightly under the weather, or experience flu-like muscle weakness for a day or two; then it passes, and they feel incredible for the rest of the detox. In my case, because I had not been correctly prepared for the change in diet and the additional supplements, and because my body had built up so many awful toxins over so many years, it became a worst case scenario. That’s not how you want to do it.
In fact, when I returned to the ACD again in 2009, my detox reaction was so minimal that I don’t even remember it today. Of course, there had been much less time for toxins to build up (I’d been eating a whole foods, healthy, sugar-free and vegan diet for over 10 years by then, minus the four months I fell off the wagon). And, more importantly, I eased myself into it properly, taking a week or two before I switched to the stricter ACD itself.
Part III: I’m About to Do it All Again!
Even though I haven’t veered from the ACD since I started it, I’ve been feeling recently that it’s time to go through another detox.
A while back, I wrote about the weight beginning to creep up once more. And in recent months since my Dad’s heart attack, I’ve been experiencing a whole host of stressors that have triggered my sugar cravings. Now, don’t worry–as I said, I haven’t actually eaten the Dreaded White Crystals Of Death, but I sure do crave sweets. And it’s possible to overdo it, even if your cake, cookies, or chocolate are sweetened with coconut sugar, yacon, agave or stevia (trust me on this one).
[September, 2010, after 1-1/2 years on the ACD).]
So when Nutritionist and Holistic Health Counselor Andrea Nakayama asked if I’d like to work with her to create a sugar detox program, I jumped at the chance. As it turned out, Andrea and I had an instant rapport from that first telephone conversation and immediately decided to work together. Not only do I think Andrea is an amazing nutritionist–I mean, this woman really, really knows her stuff–she also exhibits the kind of personal empathy and professional integrity that I admire and to which I aspire. And, she’s loads of fun, to boot! Immediately, I had a selfish thought: “hey, I can work through the program myself while it’s being offered!” And that, dear readeres, is exactly what I’m going to do.
I’m truly thrilled to be part of Sweet Victory, a two-week homestudy detox program. The course kicks off with a live teleseminar (also available as an audio file you can listen to at any time) and includes an array of course materials, recipes and–my favorite part–two weeks of online support from both of us, via message board! Andrea and I will both be available throughout the entire course to respond to your queries and comments, share experiences and offer feedback. And since I’ll be detoxing, too, I’ll be right there along with all of you!
To read more about the course and what’s involved, check the Sweet Victory page.
I should note that Sweet Victory is not strictly an anti-candida detox; it’s actually for anyone looking to conquer sugar cravings and permanently change their relationship with sugar. I wish I had found something like this before I allowed my sugar addiction to become as bad as it did in 2008–ultimately, leading to my more serious problems with candida. Now that the candida is in check, it’s time to tackle those pesky cravings! 
[Last month at my dad's 90th birthday party--time for a little refresher to clear out the cravings once more!]
In the next ACD update, I’ll talk about my candida symptoms and where things stand with them today.
Have you ever undergone a detox? How long was it? What was the experience like for you?
Last Year at this Time: Grilled Vegetable Salad with Fresh Tarragon Dressing (ACD all stages)
Two Years Ago: Fresh and Spicy Cilantro Sauce (ACD all stages)
Three Years Ago: Zucchini and Pineapple Mini Loaves (not GF; ACD maintenance only)
© Diet, Dessert and Dogs
Grrrr! This beast will gorge itself on just about anything! [Source]
The Ugly: The Monster Returns
Here it is, 2011, and it’s already time for a confession (don’t worry, it doesn’t involve criminal activity). Once again, it appears the dreaded beast has reared its ugly little head. If you’ve been reading my blog for any time at all, you likely already know that I’ve been dealing with “the beast that is yeast” (ie, candida) since around December, 2008 (and following the anti candida diet, or ACD, since March 2009). And while candida is, indeed, beastly, it’s not the particular monster to which I’m referring. No, the beast I mention here is one with which I’ve struggled my whole life: the Binge Monster.
I’ve both been wanting to write about this issue and also avoiding it for a few weeks now. You see, over the past couple of months or so, after more than a year watching the numbers on my scale move steadily in a downward direction, they have once again begun to creep up–five pounds up, at last count. And while my weight has fluctuated by one or two pounds quite often over the last year, with a couple of days of “clean” and “green” eating, it tends to stabilize again.
But not this time.
Five pounds is real. Five pounds is substantial. Five pounds is a button on your shirt that’s now too tight. It’s one more hole on your belt (which, up until four months ago, you couldn’t wear at all). It’s a little less definition under your cheekbones, a bit more girth around the middle, a pinch around the elastic of your underwear. Five pounds is half a dress size. Like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction, the scale seems to admonish you: ”I will not be ignored,” it screams, tacitly threatening the established routine.
I worried about posting this on the blog because I didn’t want to disappoint so many readers who’ve followed my progress up until now. After all the accolades, all the encouragement, I was mortified to have to admit that old habits have wormed their way back into my life (and let me be clear on this: I have not veered from the diet. Not a grain of white sugar or refined flour or mushrooms or alcohol or other forbidden foods have passed my lips; I am still eating ACD-friendly foods, and my candida symptoms, overall, miraculously still continue to improve. It’s just that the re-introduction of certain ingredients and foods—like flours, cocoa and baked goods–have generated more desserts hanging around the house, which led to eating more desserts, which led to. . . five pounds).
Would my readers see this slip up as a failure (as I did)? Would they think less of me? How could I let them down after all this time? How could I let myself down?
[It may be ACD-friendly, but too much of a good thing is still too much.]
The Bad: How Old Habits Are Revived
When I first began the anti-candida diet 22 months ago, I felt so ill and was so desperate that, honestly, I would have followed any regimen that could help alleviate the symptoms (the worst of which was an angry, painful and constantly itchy rash across my chest and most of my torso).
At first, I put no restrictions on how much I ate. The diet was easy: my old nemesis, the Binge Beast, lurked in the shadows but never dared venture into the light. The notion of bingeing simply wasn’t in the realm of possibility back then (seriously, who binges on zucchini or broccoli?). Even when I experienced a fleeting desire to “cheat” on the diet and eat something with sugar or gluten, the lingering raw, pink rash was enough to dissuade me. Like a photographic afterimage or the barely discernible outline of a house blown away in a hurricane, that pale, freshly scarred skin was a visible reminder of why I needed to persist.
But then I began to feel better. Baking, and desserts (of a sort) and chocolate returned to my life. Sure, they were ACD-friendly, but they still triggered that buried, recidivist impulse when I ate a chocolate cookie, a piece of brownie, a bowl of ice cream. And before I knew it, I was eating not one, not two, but four brownies at a time.
For most people, sugar cravings are supposedly eradicated after 5-10 days on the ACD, but that has never been the case with me. Instead, my cravings continue to cling more ferociously than the toddler at Mama’s knee on the first day of school. One day, I suppose, I’ll get used to it.
As with other addictions, the binge mechanism requires a constant ratcheting up of the stimulus–in this case, certain foods–before satiation is reached. You may be pumping food in at one end, but your stomach doesn’t register it the way a “normal” digestive system would. And so, someone who binges is able to consume perhaps twice as much–three times?–as a healthy eater before the “fullness” switch is flicked. And even then, it sometimes takes nausea for the breaker to finally trip, the “overload” signal to get through.
[source]
I already knew that the feedback mechanism, in those of us who binge, is damaged. It’s like filling a bucket with an old leaky hose: for the bucket to be filled, you’d have to turn the faucet on full blast, expending more and more water with more and more waste that never reaches the target, until the container is finally replete. In the same way, my own fullness circuits require more and more alimentary input to finally register “enough.” But how does one fix this damaged circuitry?
Geneen Roth advises us to honor the true source of the hunger–be it physical, psychological or emotional. Each time you listen to these messages, it’s like fixing one tiny leak, filling the hole that allows the nourishing foods to escape without your notice. Eventually, the sequence is completely restored to its original condition, and your body and mind both register the full impact of the food you eat. I know I was waylaid from that journey over the holidays–it’s so easy to become sidetracked by old habits. I am still waiting for that day when I am effortlessly aware of my body’s signals and, like the HH, can pass up even one last pea on the plate because “I’ve had enough.”
Bingers never have enough.
In her latest book, Women Food and God, Geneen Roth talks about emotional (or compulsive) eating with the same accessibility, insight and sagacity as always. And food, she points out, is a fallback position when we seek nurturing. She writes:
The bottom line, whether you weigh 340 pounds or 150 pounds, is that when you eat when you are not hungry, you are using food as a drug, grappling with boredom or illness or loss or grief or emptiness or loneliness or rejection. Food is only the middleman, the means to the end. Of altering your emotions. Of making yourself numb. Of creating a secondary problem when the original problem becomes too uncomfortable.
After 22 months (and before this latest turn of events), it appeared that both my health and my weight had more or less stabilized, yet I found myself still dissatisfied. Yes, my health has vastly improved, but I’m still not 100% better. I had grown tired of writing “no progress” or “status quo” on my Progress Tracker page.
Is it because my recovery has plateaued and I’m bored? Is it because my health is not where I’d like it to be, my symptoms (albeit drastically reduced) still lingering? Is it because, despite major strides with candida, other health issues persist, and I’m simply frustrated? Is it because The Ellen Show hasn’t called me yet?
[source]
When I think of the progress I’ve made, I can’t help but notice there’s a little voice in the back of my head,the child’s voice that begins to whine, “Twenty-two months, and still not all better?” Sure, there are many worse things than a candida rash that just won’t disappear, and I am thankful my illness is no more serious than this. But the part of me that connects to that little voice still wonders, ”why can’t you just disappear already? When will you leave me alone and let me live my life without having to think about you every. single. day? When will I be able to return to my old life?”
The answer, I now realize, is perhaps, “never.” I can’t return to my “old life.” And then, rather than accept that this diet will likely be my new, and perhaps permanent, way of life, there comes the whining toddler again, pouting and complaining, ”Well, if I can’t eat what I really want–sugar and chocolate and frosting and layer cake and fudge–well, then, when I concoct something that’s at least moderately tasty, I will eat more than I should–heck, I’ll eat it all–because I need something that’s at least a little bit sweet in my life.”
Do I capitulate and repeat old behaviors, because that’s the easiest, the most comfortable plan of action? Or is there another solution?
The Good: Renewed Commitment and Determination
When it comes to matters of karma and fate and previous lives, the HH is more of a devotee than I; yet I do believe that events, circumstances, people and personal issues come into our lives for a reason. In this case, I was delivered a mini-epiphany by none other than Nietzsche himself, in the form of a book written by author and psychiatrist Irvin Yalom.
In discussing a patient who relapsed and manifested psychological problems that had already been vanquished years before, Yalom cites the great philosopher, who theorized: ”when we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago.” In other words, we regress to earlier behaviors after trauma or too much stress or overwork. Well, that made total sense to me: over the past two years, I’ve made huge strides in the battle of the binge and combating candida. Slowly, but certainly, I’m beginning to tap into what my body craves as compared to what my psyche craves. But when one’s reaction to chocolate harks back more than 45 years, a mere 22 month-timespan on an anti-candida diet isn’t enough, on its own, to vanquish that impulse.
[This may offer some comfort, but it's only ephemeral.]
But more food is not the solution.
Well, duh. Of course food isn’t the solution. Food is never the solution, unless you’re the lone survivor on a desert island with no chance of rescue, like Tom Hanks in Castaway. Rather than abandon the ACD, I’ve decided to recommit with renewed vigor; a renewal of our vows, so to speak. For a while, at least, I’ll be stepping back to an earlier stage of the diet that removes some of the foods I’ve recently re-introduced (such as chocolate or agave nectar–sniff, boo hoo). I’ll begin a candida-focused cleanse and return to some of the best principles of the NAG diet.
I recently read through a copy of Meghan Telpner’s latest ebook, 21 Days to Health, and found it a great refresher course for me: these are all steps I’ve either taken before or still maintain, but having them written out in logical succession will be a wonderful motivator as I work through this renewed challenge. Rather than extend an already too-long post even more, I’ll save the details about what, exactly, I’ll be eating (and not eating) for another time. (I plan to post an entire “ACD Diet” page in the next month or so.)
[source]
I hope you’ll continue to stick around for the journey, bumpy as it may be (I promise I’ll still serve you yummy food along the way).
As I’ve said before, I see this blog as a chronicle not just of weight loss (or gain), but also a journey toward wellness and learning to eat like a “normal” person, making peace with sweets and cravings and emotional eating. I feel a bit like the novice tightrope performer whose step has faltered and now sees clearly what the next moves must be to regain balance; I’m determined to forge ahead on that journey. With that approach in mind, I’m confident that, eventually, the ever-elusive goal, wellness, will be revealed.
*[Not to be confused with Morris Dithers' answer in this classic SCTV skit.]
[The main course table from my recent holiday potluck with nutritionist friends, clockwise from top left: [out of the photo--Balsamic Glazed Brussels Sprouts]; Southwest Brown Rice Casserole with Beans [white bowl behind cutlery]; Tempeh-Brown Rice Curry and Vegetables; Baby Spinach Salad; Rutabaga Gratin; Cinque Pizza with olives, green pepper, faux meat and onion; and (in red casserole in center) Carrot and Sweet Potato Latkes. The latkes were fried–I have no idea what kind of oil she used. Yes, I ate one.]
In recent years, it seems, we’ve all become hyper aware of the connection between food and health; it’s one of the hottest topics on the internet, twitter, blogs, or in magazines; you can’t read anything, flick on the television or listen to the radio without someone discussing a new study or mentioning a specific food and how it is or is not good for us. Goji berries? Superfood. Kale? Will save your eyes. Sugar? The devil. Trans fats? Avoid at all costs. Refined flours? Shortcut to a heart attack. And so on. How do you decide what to eat?
Well, I had originally planned to tackle this rather amorphous topic in the new year, once we’d all recovered a bit from the holidays and I had more time to craft a thoughtful post about it (since I’ll be on vacation then–whoo hoo!). Instead, I’m going to leap right in today after receiving the following comment on the Simply Bar giveaway post (the first part in quotation marks is what I wrote in the original post itself):
“In addition, the company has prided itself on using real, natural ingredients, without any added fillers in their bars. For example, the “Cocoa with Raspberry” flavor contains soy crisps (like rice crisps in texture and taste), organic agave nectar, organic brown rice syrup, organic cocoa, raspberries, organic canola oil.” Six ingredients–that’s it!”
SOY CRISPS! has the world gone mad? I appreciate that these bars only have a few ingredients in them, but they are a few, highly processed ingredients.
Soy crisps – a bean that is only truly digestible when fermented, is processed into a crisp?
Canola oil – oil that is high in inflammation promoting omega 6, processed from rapeseeds and should only be eaten raw.
Agave syrup – the sugars of the agave cactus without the natural brake of fibre, controversy rages about whether it is low or high GI.
Brown Rice syrup – sugars inherent in rice – highly processed, super high GI, even though it’s brown rice!
Only six ingredients? Whatever happened to the good old nut and fruit bars of my childhood made entirely from nuts and dried fruit? I’d rather have a bar of dark chocolate than one of these!
Since I not only promoted the bar on my blog but actually eat them, I felt a response was in order (and I will respond to the email itself toward the end of the post).
First, let me outline how I decide what to eat and what not to eat; here, then, are the principles I follow and firmly believe in when it comes to “eating healthfully.” (This is not a post about how to keep to a healthy diet over the holidays; I dealt with that subject here. )
[African Sweet Potato Stew--pretty darned good for you.]
I. Aim for a Diet That’s 100% “Good-for-You”. . . .
More than anything else about food, I believe that we are, literally, made up of what we put into our mouths, whether food, drink, or breath. Whether fresh or rancid, pesticide-laden or organic, whole grain or refined, local or imported, dirt-still-clinging-to-its-roots or packed in a BPA-lined bag inside a box, food will contribute to the makeup of every cell in your body.
In nutrition school, we learned about a diet called NAG–Natural, Alive, and Good Quality. I wrote more about it in this post. Basically, the diet aims to include only real, whole, unprocessed and organic ingredients, with most (if not all) nutrition coming from plant sources. Lucky for me, I love healthy foods (I also happen to love unhealthy foods–but that’s a topic for another post).
My own tweaks to the NAG foundation were made because of the anti-candida diet I now follow (about which I wrote more here and here), and include, for the most part: no sugar (and most other sweeteners), no sweet fruits; nothing fermented (with a few exceptions); nothing moldy or yeasty (mushrooms, nutritional yeast, alcoholic beverages, many nuts and some fruits, etc); nothing highly processed (packaged or most canned goods); no gluten; very few legumes; no eggs or dairy. (The ACD typcially allows organic chicken, beef and fish, but I don’t eat those.) I include tofu occasionally, which is considered “acceptable” in about half the anti-candida diets out there (there is quite a bit of variation about what is included in the diet).
With the ACD, you will ideally re-introduce many of the banned foods after you’ve been following it for a while and are feeling better. For instance, now that I’ve been on the diet for over two years and am 90% better, I am eating some fruits, using (gluten free) flours, and consuming the very occasional treat with agave nectar or coconut sugar.
About my own eating habits, let me be clear: during the first couple of phases of the ACD, I followed the diet one hundred percent, 100% of the time–I never “cheated.” That’s because I was in great distress about my poor health and wanted to heal as quickly as possible. However, as one of our teachers at nutrition school remarked, even following the ACD “most of the time” will, eventually, lead to diminished yeast in the body and better health; it will just take longer.
[This would definitely be a rare treat. . . even if I weren't on the ACD. Cake recipe in Sweet Freedom; frosting here.]
II. . . .90% of the Time.
Just as highschool graduates might send their first applications to Ivy League schools; as aspiring editors aim to nab a spot at a ”big house” like Farrar, Straus and Giroux; or as newly-graduated life coaches dreams of being on Oprah, when it comes to eating, I believe we should endeavor to eat only the best quality, healthiest foods. But what happens when the grad isn’t accepted by Harvard or Yale; if the young editor is offered a job at Harlequin; or the life coach lands a local radio spot instead? Do they decline the lesser offer, or worse–give up entirely? Of course not.
In an ideal universe, I’d be eating a top-notch, 100% “perfect” diet all the time. My meals would be 70% raw, all organic, as close as possible to the condition they’re in when they’re plucked from the ground, and entirely unprocessed–things like this, or this, or this. While I may have lofty ideals when it comes to food and eating, I understand that reality doesn’t always comply. Consequently, I try not to beat myself up if I can’t achieve that ideal. If I can remain compliant 90% of the time, I’m okay with having something less than perfect the other 10%. (Certainly, there are other food bloggers out there who manage such menus far more often–and more consistently–than I).
For example, I’ve mentioned before that the HH enjoys eating in restaurants, and we still frequent them occasionally. I’ve found a couple of places that actually serve ACD-friendly food (at one, ”Israeli Salad” consisting of fresh cucumber, tomato and onion with olive oil and lemon juice alongside hummus; at the other, gluten free pizza crust with toppings of my choice, usually roasted garlic, baked tomato, red onion, spinach and black olives). As a result, we tend to patronize either of those most of the time.
Once a month, though, we head to a Malaysian restaurant I adore. They’re willing to provide vegan options and also hold the sugar at my request. Great! But I am fairly certain that they don’t grease their woks with organic coconut oil (or anything organic, for that matter); and I am not willing to stress about this. If I consume a small quantity of less-than-healthy oil once a month, I rely on the remaining 90% of my uber-healthy diet to compensate; it’s worth it to me to be able to enjoy the rest of the meal.
[source]
III. Listen to your body.
For the past couple of years, I’ve been rediscovering books by Geneen Roth and am devoted to her intuitive approach to eating–letting your body determine when, what and how much you eat. The woman has effectively peeked into my psyche (and my pantry), and I relate to her ideas on food as psychological comfort, how food serves many other purposes besides nourishment, and how we can learn to enjoy eating in the most natural and instinctive fashion. I’m not entirely “there” yet when it comes to attending to my body’s messages, but I’m learning.
I had my first epiphany about listening to my body only about a month ago, when I first began to experiment with coconut sugar. Having baked only with stevia (and a miniscule amount of yacon or agave) until then, being able to use a one-for-one sugar replacement was thrilling. I went a little crazy in the kitchen, baking cookies, brownies, bars, muffins and whatever else I could think of. I also tasted them all. . . and then some. I probably ate more baked goods in that week than I had in the previous six months. If that episode had occurred two years ago, it would likely have spiralled into an endless round of sweet binges, fuelled by sugar and guilt and the rationalization that “it’s the holidays.”
Instead, something odd occurred: I suddenly didn’t feel like eating so many sweets any more. My body said, “Give me kale! Give me black bean soup! Give me cinque e’ cinque!” (somehow, my body managed to pick up Italian while I was sleeping). I averted a crisis simply by listening to the physical signals I routinely ignored in the past. It felt great, and I’m striving to improve my skills in that area, and practise it more often. Your body intuitively knows what’s good for you. Listen to it.
[Meant to be eaten with friends: Pumpkin Bread Pudding with Caramel Sauce.]
IV. Lighten Up (Are We Having Fun Yet?)
Earlier yesterday on twitter, a famous vegan cookbook author asked, “Q: how much oil in a recipe before you won’t make it? Does mention of 1/2 c olive oil freak anyone out? 1/3 cup better? What is OK?”. Well, I think the answer depends on several factors. What kind of oil is it? How many servings does the recipe make? How much of it will I be eating at one sitting? How often will I eat it? Half cup (the amount in the recipe) is 8 tablespoons (120 ml) or 24 teaspoons (24 x 5 ml). If the dish yields 20 servings (a baked dessert), that’s less than 2 teaspoons per serving. If it’s a main course that makes 8-10 servings, it’s still 1 tablespoon or less per serving–less than most people use on one salad. Mostly, I wouldn’t think twice if the dish were a special occasion recipe–it’s only once in a while, anyway.
What struck me about the exchange was the idea that based on the amount of oil alone, people would eschew the entire recipe. I know people who eat raw coconut oil by the tablespoon, yet the idea of 1/2 cup in an entire recipe is anathema.
A while back, I was asked in a comment on this post about whether roasting nuts renders them less healthy–and, of course, the short answer is “yes.” But do I want to eat raw nut butter all of the time? No. I like the taste of toasted nuts better than the taste of raw nuts. Nuts still contain healthy fats. They are still a real food. So I eat them toasted sometimes, and I don’t worry about it.
My point is that you can be so focused on the health-related characteristics of your food that you overlook the fact that food is supposed to taste good and confer pleasure. As Andrew Weil notes in his book, Eating Well for Optimum Health, a rigid adherence to eating only “healthy” foods can negate the pleasure we get from sharing our meals with others–and sometimes the social contact is more important to our health than the absolute quality of the food we’re eating.
Which brings me back to the comment that started it all. Here’s my response to each of the points made by the commenter:
Soy crisps – a bean that is only truly digestible when fermented, is processed into a crisp? Yes, soy crisps are processed (they contain non-GMO soy protein, tapioca starch and salt); see my comments above about 90%/10%. As I’ve mentioned before, even though fermented soy is more easily digestible than non-fermented (eg, tofu), I do not avoid tofu or other non-fermented soy (eg, soymilk) in moderation. It is a great source of protein and contains isoflavones that are advantageous in myriad ways, plus many other health benefits. While it’s not for everyone (you can read about the pros and cons yourself), for me, soy’s numerous health benefits–and the fact that it’s been a staple food in many Asian cultures for centuries–makes it a desirable food.
Canola oil – oil that is high in inflammation promoting omega 6, processed from rapeseeds and should only be eaten raw. As far as I know (or can find information in my nutrition texts and online), canola oil is considered a “monounsaturated fat” because it contains mostly (about 55%) monounsaturated fatty acids. Like any oil, canola is made up of mono-, poly- and saturated fats in different ratios. It does contain Omega 6 oil, but it also contains a larger percent of Omega 3. In any case, unless the canola is organic and cold pressed, I wouldn’t want to consume it at all. Like any oil that is liquid at room temperature, canola is best when unheated. It might not be my first choice for baking or cooking (I don’t ever use it at home); however, I am not too concerned about eating a snack with it on occasion (see point II, above).
Agave syrup – the sugars of the agave cactus without the natural brake of fibre, controversy rages about whether it is low or high GI. I know that some people think agave is evil. I am not one of those people. The glycemic index (GI) of agave, when organic and processed without excess heat or chemicals, is relatively low (38 or so). Like any other natural sweetener, agave is harmful in large quantities. However, having read several articles about it, I’ve decided that, for me, agave is a good sweetener as long as it’s organic and not overly processed. Like maple syrup, it requires some processing to convert the raw sap into what we buy in the store. It is still a delicious, low glycemic sweetener–but like any sweetener, should be eaten in small quantities and as a treat.
Brown Rice syrup – sugars inherent in rice – highly processed, super high GI, even though it’s brown rice! Again, brown rice syrup is a traditional natural sweetener that’s been used for ages. The sugars inherent in rice are no worse, as far as I can tell, than the sugars inherent in wheat, spelt, millet, or any other grain. And while some processing is, of course, required to convert rice to a sweetener, I have been able to find absolutely no corroboration that brown rice syrup is high GI. Most of the articles I’ve come across list its glycemic index as around 25-35–rather low.
Given my own approach to healthy eating, I am comfortable consuming snacks such as The Simply Bar on occasion. If the bars’ ingredients don’t jibe with what you think is healthy, please, don’t eat them. I’m grateful to the commenter for prompting me to examine my viewpoint on these ingredients and articulate my eating philosophy in general.
["Does this mean we get to listen to our bodies, too, Mum? Because my body is telling me that it's time you gave me a treat."]
Perhaps most importantly when it comes to our diets, however, is that I believe each of us must make our own informed choices about the food we put in our mouths. If my approach doesn’t resonate with you, that’s fine; there are many other approaches out there to pursue. With so many sources of illness in our world–toxins, pollution, carcinogens, molds, bacteria, germs, viruses, electromagnetic pollution–I could go on–I think it’s essential that we don’t allow ourselves to become bogged down in the negative impact of them all. It’s still possible to eat well and enjoy your food while keeping an eye open to the possible drawbacks.
Whew! And if you made it this far in the post, well, I think you deserve a reward. Go get yourself a huge piece of chocolate, or maybe a (thin) slice of cake–made with real, organic ingredients, of course.
I’d love to hear what you think about the issue–what constitutes a “healthy” diet in your mind?
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Last Year at this Time:Flash in the Pan/Gastronomic Gift: Brazil Nut-Cilantro Pesto (all stages of ACD; gluten free)
Two Years Ago: Gastronomic Gifts III: Marzipan-Topped Shortbread Cookies (not gluten free; ACD maintenance only)
Three Years Ago: Pumpkinseed Shortbread Buttons (gluten free; ACD maintenance only)
© 2010 Diet, Dessert and Dogs
[Simple dal with basmati rice on dandelion greens. . . definitely ACD friendly!]
I have a recipe in the works for later today, but after my last muffin post and all the questions I received about my anti-candida diet, I thought I’d post a quick update. First, thank you all for your ongoing support and encouragement–it would be a lot harder to stay on a restricted diet like this without the support of fellow bloggers and readers. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again–the blogging world is, truly, magical.
About the diet, many of you asked: will I have to be off fruits (or sweets, or sweeteners, or flour) forever? Will this *&%$@!!^ ACD diet ever end? Will I ever be able to eat my own baked goods again? And isn’t the HH just so darned lucky to have me bake for him when I can’t even partake?
The short answers are no, yes, yes, and ABSOLUTELY YES.
The (not entirely) Bad News: As I’ve posted previously, I have once before been on this diet, about ten years ago. At that time, I stayed on this first phase of the diet about 2 months. Given that I started the ACD this time on March 7, I’ve been on Phase I a lot longer than I would like. But there is change on the horizon! After visiting my naturopath last week, I was given a slightly altered regimen. He also did a live blood cell analysis that can determine the levels of candida and any other critters in my system, which can speed up diagnosis and treatment. I’ll be finding out the results at an appointment later this week.
Once Phase I is over, I will begin to reintroduce all the foods I’ve now cut from my diet, unless tests indicate that I’m allergic to any of them. Since I’ve never had proper allergy testing, I am about to undergo those as well. As a holistic nutritionist, I find my “case study” immensely interesting. As the unique individual who must undergo the tests and follow the diet, however, I find it to be a collosal drag.
Ah, such is life.
And now, the good news: Candida, it seems, has done for me what my own willpower never could: it has kept me on a healthy eating regime for three months (and counting). And, as a result of that, my weight loss tally has now reached 23 pounds (10.5 kilos)!
So, in a bizarre way, candida is the silver lining in my weight loss journey. With the exception of one or two nagging candida symptoms, I am feeling better than I have in ages. My back woes have disappeared. My achy knees are spry and springy. My sinus problems are about 70% improved. And–best of all!–I’ve discovered some favorite old clothes that I haven’t been able to wear in years (it’s been about six years since I last weighed this little).
For now, I’ll continue to cook and experiment with ACD-friendly foods, and post mostly about those, with the occasional baked good thrown in. (And if you’re yearning for some whole foods-based, naturally sweetened, delectable baked goods before then, there’s always the new cookbook!).
It’s become a bit of a challenge to delve into my culinary creativity and see what I can come up with that’s tasty, aesthetically pleasing, and still appealing to “regular” eaters. Surprisingly, I’m finding many recipes on other blogs or in my existing cookbooks that are ACD-friendly. More to come!
Oh, and if you’re interested in finding out more about candida and how to treat it, I’ve discovered a wonderful website by a woman who’s been there herself. The site contains a plethora of well researched, up to date information. Check out Yeast Infection Answers.
To those of you celebrating, hope you’re having a wonderful Memorial Day Weekend!
* Or, Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad (sorry, Girls)
[Soy-Free, Sugar-Free, Gluten-Free Chocolate Buttercream Frosting from Sweet Freedom]
Okay, let’s get to the dessert first (really, we should all eat a meal that way at least once): I received my cookbook’s (paper) proof in the mail today (the sample that I must approve before production can begin) and I’m thrilled! Now that the publisher has the approval, they can swing into action and the book should be ready by May 25th (the date by which they’ve promised it will be available). On that date, you’ll be able to purchase it directly from the publisher or (for those in the Toronto area) from me! The book will be available through amazon.com about a month after that. I’m also hoping to offer an e-book version at a lower price, so stay tuned! In the meantime, if you need a reminder of what types of goodies will be represented, take a peek at the cookbook blog.
As always, thanks for your patience–and thanks for indulging me by allowing me to blather on about this on DDD! I’ll be providing all the specifics about how to order, cost, etc. as soon as I know them. 
And next, our “diet” update: This week marks the end of Phase I (six weeks!) of my anti-candida diet.
Having spent the last six weeks without the company of any fruit, baked goods, desserts, sweeteners of any kind (save stevia) or any other foods that could feed candida, I’m happy to say that I do feel I’ve made progress. In a nutshell, over the past six weeks:
[Cauliflower Popcorn]
- I rediscovered the versatility of beans, the allure of cauliflower popcorn (minus the bucket), how much I like fresh beets, and the pleasing simplicity of millet (more on that in a future post).
- The overweening lethargy and muscle heaviness I’d been experiencing has lifted; I now find it easier to walk around, easier to walk up the stairs, easier to complete my workouts at the club (hey, septuagenarian couple with the matching T-shirts! Howdy, punky chick with the spiky hair! Nice to see ya, burly guy with the black ankle socks!), and have even extended my time on the treadmill a bit.
- Many of my sinus problems and much of my nasal congestion have evaporated. I’d estimate that my sinuses are about 70% better than when I began the cleanse.
- I’ve lost about 12 pounds. I say “about” because I wasn’t certain of my exact weight the day I started the cleanse–but I do know it was an all-time high. I’m now at the lowest weight I’ve been since I started this blog in October, 2007 (yikes! Has it been that long?)
On the other hand:
- Many of my original symptoms remain. I’m still experiencing other rather unpleasant side effects of excessive yeast, such as absentmindedness, “foggy thinking,” rashes and absentmindedness (oh, wait, did I say that one already?–ah, you see what I mean).
And so, what’s next?
Well, according to most ACD sites and experts, one should remain on the diet until all symptoms have abated, or at least six months, whichever is shorter. Six months?? Honestly, as much as I may be keen on quinoa, think tofu is tops, am enamoured of arame, or even cherish chia, I can’t see living without fruit or most whole grains for that long. On the other hand (seems I’ve got several hands, here), it’s become abundantly clear to me that I feel better physically, have more energy, and am able to lose weight when I follow a very “clean” and healthy diet such as this. As long as my system is overrun with that scourge, candida, I’ll be drawn back again and again to unhealthy eating.
And believe me, the irony of the situation isn’t lost on me: I’m about to publish a desserts cookbook, yet I suffer from an overabundance of candida–typically caused by too many desserts. And while the bulk of my diet is composed of incredibly healthy foods–ones I truly enjoy–that’s not to say that those wholesome, healthful foods are the only ones I eat. My weakness is chocolate, and more than once I’ve been hoist by my own Lindt 70%. (I’ve probably ingested enough of it over the past year, in fact, to supply all of Switzerland on Valentine’s Day). Add to that my own baked goods and treats–albeit healthy–and you’ve got too much of a good thing, as they say.
And so, I’ve decided to forge ahead with the next phase of the cleanse (which allows a wee bit more variety in the diet) and keep at it as long as I can. The basic approach on the blog will remain the same, and I’m going to attempt to include desserts in moderation (even if I won’t be eating them as much). I’m still determined to achieve that elusive ”normalcy” I wrote about way back when the major focus of the blog was the “Diet” in “Diet, Dessert and Dogs”–to be able to eat like a “normal” eater , consuming a wide variety of foods and courses (including dessert) in moderation–to kick this sweets addiction once and for all! (Or, at least, keep trying).
And when I do reach that goal, promoting a dessert cookbook–even baking all the samples that will go along with it–will be not only possible, but enjoyable.
Because really, never having dessert again would surely suck all the sweetness out of life.
“Um, Mum, while we understand that your book and your diet are important to you and everything, forget about blog updates–how about dog updates? We have some exciting developments going on, too, you know. What about my new white hairs on my muzzle–or how Chaser managed to catch that Frisbee over the fence yesterday? ”
I know I said I’d relegate comments about my Total Health program to a coda each week, but last night’s class spurred such a barrage of ideas that I wanted to set them down (despite last week’s blathering about eating styles–we all know how well that one went over). So be warned: this entry features no recipe, and it’s about dieting. Please feel free to skip if that’s not of interest!
When I first started this blog back in late October (six months yesterday!!), I wrote quite frequently about my diet and (tenuous) attempts to lose weight. I actually never intended it to morph into a food blog, but once I started reminiscing about different recipe origins, preparation methods, ingredient sources, etc., it seemed to move naturally in that direction (at least, most of the time). I preferred to write about the dishes themselves rather than my reactions to, or feelings about, them.
Well, one of our “assignments” last week in my Total Health course was to “eat without distractions.” From what I gleaned from our instructions, this meant virtually the same thing as “eating mindfully.” For any of you who’ve read Jon Kabat Zinn’s seminal book on mindful living, Full Catastrophe Living, this concept is familiar. In the book, Zinn suggests eating a raisin with full attention to its shape, color, texture, smell, size, mouthfeel, taste, and effect on your emotional or psychological state. Giving that wrinkled grape your full awareness while consuming it takes several minutes at the least, and you’d presumably experience every nuance, every physical reaction, every sensory impact of consuming that raisin.
I was a little hesitant to embrace this homework, as my schedule these days is beyond hectic and I feel I barely have time to heave a heavy sigh before the day is over. But I did it. Breakfast became a private communion between me and my oatmeal (or scone, or almond butter-topped apple, etc.) as I cleared the table and sat and ate. . . mindfully.
And what did I discover? That my mind didn’t have very much to contribute to the exercise. That I didn’t like it. Not one bit.
For me, trying to focus exclusively on my food as I observed, smelled, tasted and then mused upon it was like “torture lite”–maybe not a figurative year in a Medieval prison, but more like recess trapped in the corner of the schoolyard with the class bully. As with meditation, my mind kept wandering, I found myself scanning the rest of the room as if searching for a deus ex machina to release me from my penance, and I twitched and evaded and couldn’t wait for it to be over.
Me? Wishing EATING would be over?? It’s unheard of!
In our class last evening, I raised the issue. Was I the only one who’d had a hard time with it? Apparently, yes. For the rest of the class (to be fair, not everyone actually did the exercise, so I don’t know about those few who didn’t), eating with no distractions was like an oasis of peace and calm in an otherwise crazy welter of their days. One woman even said that she’d come to rely on her breakfast ritual, in particular, as a way to start her morning on the right note, and felt unmoored without it.
According to our instructor, sitting one-on-one with your food and forcing yourself to focus exclusively on it accomplishes a few things. First, you are more aware of the quality of the food itself. As she mentioned last week, it’s virtually impossible to plunk yourself down and devour a cannister of Pringles mindfully. I found that to be true as well (not that I’ve eaten Pringles in the last decade or so): once you know you must to sit and attend to every puff of popcorn, or every corn chip, or even every goji berry, one at a time, over and over, the idea of grabbing a quick snack between writing assignments doesn’t hold the same allure. Similarly, if you’re eating food that is of poor quality, paying close attention to every sniff and bite will only highlight that fact, and you may find you’re not as inclined to scarf down that McDonald’s burger and fries quite so often.
In addition, eating mindfully slows down the process of how you select, bite, chew, and swallow the food, so bingeing is virtually eliminated. When I succumb to a chocolate binge, I’m not paying very close attention to the quantity I ingest. Basically, I eat as much as there is, until it’s gone (which is why I try not to keep it in the house). With mindful eating, however, I realized very quickly that I didn’t need all that much to fill my belly. After one apple (cut in segments and smeared with about a tablespoon of almond butter) for breakfast, I realized I’d had enough. Maybe I wasn’t used to this bizarre new physical awareness, and it made me uncomfortable.
Finally, I realized that this exercise simply highlighted for me how much I’m overstuffing my schedule as well, and how I usually attempt to fit in too many items in a day; so many, in fact, that taking an extra hour or two to consume meals in isolation throws off the rest of the itinerary. As I sat chewing my apple with awareness, I was also painfully cognizant of the newspaper draped across the opposite corner of the table, and that my solo meal meant I wouldn’t have another moment to read it that day (well, my teacher would say, you shouldn’t be reading the paper anyway–too much negative energy).
I’m going to try to stick with the practise, despite my discomfort. For one thing, it’s helped me to determine whether or not I really want to eat something before I dig in; if it’s worth stopping my current activity to sit down and spend some alone time with a food, then I figure I must really feel like having it at that moment. Our instructor promises that the purpose of the exercise is to create a greater appreciation of what we eat, and, ultimately, a greater enjoyment of the food. I’m waiting for that to happen. In the meantime, I am glad for the decreased caloric intake.
This week’s homework: incorporate greens into the diet once a day, along with cultured veggies. Recipe coming up!
The last few nights, I’ve been having trouble falling asleep, then waking up in the morning feeling exhausted. My heart is pounding too fast, my chest feels full and heavy, my stomach aches ever so slightly. I’d say this was caused by overeating or binging, but I haven’t actually been indulging in those lovely activities in the past couple of days, so that’s not it.
What it is, I’ve recognized, is the oppressive stress I’m feeling because of this impending move (only 5 days away!), the lack of organization in our home preceding it, work pressures, and having to keep up with daily routines because of two little fur-babies who don’t have the faintest idea that their lives are about to change radically and irrevocably in less than a week. (“What? Change radically? What are you talking about, Mum? Are you going to change our food? Are you going to buy us new toys? Are we finding a new trail to walk in–??? WHAT???”)
Now, when this sort of thing has occurred in the past, I’d either ignore it (if all else were going well, or I found myself otherwise distracted), or rush to make a doctor’s appointment and check out all vitals (if anxiety were rearing its ugly persona once again). In this case, however, I’m trying to be more self-aware as part of my overall plan, so I stopped to take a closer look at what it is and how it’s affecting me.
Years ago, when I suffered regularly from panic attacks, I saw a wonderful therapist who practised cognitive therapy and recommended a program based on the philosophy of Jon Kabat-Zin, called Mindfulness Meditation. I attended the sessions for eight Saturday mornings (culminating in an entire day of silent meditation–bliss!), and learned how to use a form of meditation based on progressive relaxation. Then, during my halcyon year at CSNN, I resurrected the practise as a daily routine before going off to school. I have to admit that I felt fantastic.
So, this very morning, I awoke at 6:53 AM, mere minutes after the alarm blared beside my ear, and determined that I’d begin to meditate again. Yes, I had promised myself (again) that I’d walk on the treadmill this morning, but this seemed more pressing. So, after being greeted by one exuberant puppy pressing her cold, wet nose into my cheek (C. and I sleep on a futon bed, resting on a pedestal frame–which means our faces are perfectly aligned with dog-face level), I dragged myself upright and padded into the TV room.
I had done this before, only a couple of years ago, so there should be no problem, right? I clearly remembered the routine, the progression from general relaxation to focusing individually on each body part and relaxing it in turn, along with breathing in while focusing on the part (and any sensations, pain, etc. there), then breathing out while letting the part go limp, consciously relaxing the muscle, freeing my mind of any thoughts (and gently returning it to the business at hand should it wander in any way). I can do this, I thought. It’s like riding a bike.
And so I began. Bare feet flat on floor. I sit on a chair with a special back pillow behind me for support (bad back), so I’m actually upright and sitting fairly tall. Face forward, eyes closed, tip of tongue on roof of mouth, breathe in–deep–breathe out, a heavy sigh, relaxing all of the body. I’d deliberately left the light out (there’s just barely enough to limn the various pieces of furniture and assorted packing boxes in the room , these grey autumn mornings) so that I could close my eyes and really focus.
I’d gotten as far as focusing on the soles of my feet when I felt it again–the cold wetness, this time on my big toe. Then used said big toe to push Chaser out of the way, Nylabone still in her mouth. Back to the soles. Breathe in, breathe out. Relax. Focus.
Not ten seconds later (I was at the ankle by now), she’d returned to chewing her bone, this time using the top of my foot as a brace so she could prop the bone between her paws and get a better chewing angle. And I thought meditation was supposed to be RELAXING. At this point, I was more tense than when I’d awoken. I gave up with a sigh and headed toward the shower.
I think I will need to close the door next time I meditate.
(“But I found it very relaxing, Mum! You should try chewing a Nylabone once in a while. Great for the tension in your teeth.”)
I can already see how important accountability is when trying to adhere to an eating regime: I got home from work, desperate for something chocolate. Yet, knowing that I’m going to be posting this to the whole world (even if the whole world isn’t reading it!)–well, that’s what basically prevented me from stopping at the local Loblaws on the way home and buying a large-sized chocolate bar.
I’m still feeling a little full from lunch, even (and a healthy lunch it was, too: the leftover sweet potato salad, with raw almonds and a big, crunchy Gala apple), yet still have a craving for chocolate–anything chocolate. What to do?
Well, if I’m going to be honest and stick with my original rules, then I shouldn’t eat it unless I’m really, really hungry. Should this rule be amended, then, to include “or when you really, really want just that thing“? This is what The Solution advocates. So maybe it’s worth including.
What I’m going to do with this craving is twofold: first, I’m going to examine it, try to figure out why it exists today, at this time. Next, I’m going to give in to it, within limits. I know myself well enough to know that it’s impossible for me to eat “just one piece” of chocolate (at this point in my life, anyway). Therefore, I will attempt to assuage the craving, but with something chocolatey that fits within the parameters of the NAG diet. So: Halvah!
I like halvah, it’s very filling, and I do a great halvah with a chocolate swirl. But guess what? Having blogged about this, I no longer feel like eating it. So it’s off to the next activity, in this case packing for our house-move (coming up in one week–yikes).
We’re so proud of you, Mum! And what was that about a house move??
Have you ever woken up in the morning, still feeling full from the previous night? I have to admit it’s happened to me more than I care to remember. Of course, all that’s over for me now, right? Hmm. Not right.
I really thought yesterday was a near-perfect day in terms of meals and portion control. True, I wasn’t eating a “perfect” selection of foods according to my diet plan, but I did the best I could in terms of a restaurant meal, and my dinner was brilliant (as my friend A would say). What did I eat, you ask? I will swallow my pride (along with all those meals) and tell you.
Brunch: as previously mentioned, a Cora’s skillet. True, non-organic egg and likely oil in the veggies, but a good choice given the venue. The only better thing I could have done would be to order the oatmeal and sweeten it with stevia.
Snack: pink grapefruit; water; faux “iced coffee” (my fave: made with coffee substitute and vanilla rice milk).
Dinner: raw vegan sushi (made with raw almond pate, nori sheets, cucumber, radish, red pepper, avocado) and a ginger-lemon sweet potato salad (the recipe from Martha Stewart’s Everyday Food–which, as it turns out, is a great mag for some interesting vegetarian dishes). Forgive me the lack of photos, for now; I will post as soon as I can figure out how to do it.
So. . . note that I haven’t mentioned how much of anything I ate. This is because The Plan allows me to eat as much as I want, until I feel “comfortably full” (I just made up that last part–I assume that’s how much “normal” eaters eat). And last evening, I did just that–did not overeat, I thought. Proud of myself for the fabulous minerals in the nori, the protein in the almonds, the many veggies, the beta-carotene, fibre, and low GI in the sweet potatoes. Not to mention the ginger dressing, a great immune-booster and anti-inflammatory (my eyes said, “thanks”). And the Girls loved the salad, too (“Yum, Mum, you can make that any time!”).
I want to be able to eat what I want, without worrying too much about how much I’m packing away. Again, it’s my quest for normalcy: normal people (ie, those like my honey, without weight issues) eat what they like, when they like, and how much they like. Unlike me, they don’t overdo it on a regular basis.
So when I woke up this morning, still feeling a bit bloated from last night’s dinner, I wondered why. Am I unaccustomed to the additional fiber in those sweet potatoes? Did I actually eat much more than I realized? Is my digestion so screwed up that I’m unable to process even healthy food effectively? My answer is, “probably a bit of all three.”
Off to work today, where I’ll consume the remainder of the s.p. salad and perhaps an apple for lunch. Will see how that leaves me by the afternoon.
For a later post: trying to eat only when I’m really hungry.
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